i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
