Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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