Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
