He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
