New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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