I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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