I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
