No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
