I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
