It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
