do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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