Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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