There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
