Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Drunk walkin through police station. America
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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