I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
