Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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