We're like a lot better than the average bears
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
