you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
