His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
