If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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