i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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