Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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