I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
