Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
