I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
