We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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