Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
