Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
