your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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