you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
