Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
