Just fell off a train. Bad.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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