Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
