if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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