Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
