I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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