I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize