when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We had sex on a dog bed..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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