Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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