What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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