Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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