I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
