He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
