at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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