i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
