Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
