some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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