Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
