her vagine was all disorganized.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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