ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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