I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Boobs speak an international language.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
