Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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