I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
