You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
