i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
