Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
