so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
