Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's blow job season.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
