a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
honey bunches of taint.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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