We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
