I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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