I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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