we're blogging at a bar
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
