Well douche your snatch and let's go!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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