I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
