I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
