weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
soo... how was my night?
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