ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize