I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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