You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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