I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
