Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
