you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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