the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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