theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
