I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize