Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
