It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
