I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
there's paper in my vomit.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Randomize
