I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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