We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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