The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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