remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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