we're making bets on your personal life
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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