Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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