Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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