we're blogging at a bar
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
