I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
