he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
