I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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