I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
