matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
