Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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