She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
