we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I would ride that face into the sunset
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
