I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
