I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
