i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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