Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
