His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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