God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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