I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
